Dominican Cigar Smoke as a Viable SARS-CoV-2 Prophylactic Air Filtration System in a High-Exposure Essential Worker Population of One: A Single-Patient Uncontrolled Study Conducted Entirely Without Government Authorization, Institutional Oversight, or Common Sense

Abstract

The SARS-CoV-2 pandemic of 2020-2023 resulted in hundreds of millions of infections worldwide, devastating economies, healthcare systems, and the personal freedom of the global population to do anything enjoyable. Governments responded with lockdowns, mask mandates, social distancing protocols, and the rapid development of vaccines. One Canadian essential worker in Kitchener-Waterloo, Ontario, responded differently. This paper presents the case of a 48-year-old male alarm technician and property maintenance manager who, during the entirety of the COVID-19 pandemic, maintained daily contact with hundreds of University of Waterloo student tenants per month across multiple occupied rental units, wore personal protective equipment exclusively under threat of arrest, and instead relied upon the daily administration of at least one Dominican cigar as his primary air pre-filtration and respiratory protection mechanism. The patient did not contract COVID-19 at any point during the study period, confirmed by at least one rapid antigen test. The authors submit that the cigar filtration hypothesis, hereafter designated the McCauley Cigar Air Pre-Filtration Protocol (MCAPP), merits serious scientific investigation, a publication in a major journal, and possibly a public health award from Health Canada, which the authors acknowledge is unlikely given Health Canada's well-documented anti-cigar institutional bias. Keywords: COVID-19, SARS-CoV-2, Dominican cigar, air filtration, essential worker, no mask, Kitchener-Waterloo, University of Waterloo students, Health Canada bias

1. Introduction

SARS-CoV-2, the causative agent of COVID-19, is a respiratory pathogen primarily transmitted through airborne droplets and aerosols (WHO, 2020). Prevention strategies recommended by public health authorities included surgical and N95 masks, physical distancing of no less than two metres, hand hygiene, and avoidance of indoor gatherings (Public Health Agency of Canada, 2020).

These recommendations were, by the patient's own account, followed 'only under threat of arrest.' The patient, classified as an essential worker in his dual roles as alarm system technician and property maintenance manager, continued working throughout the pandemic without interruption, entering student rental units housing up to five University of Waterloo students each, servicing hundreds of student contacts per month across multiple properties.

In lieu of government-mandated protective equipment, the patient employed the MCAPP: a minimum of one Dominican cigar per day, the smoke of which, the patient hypothesised, pre-filtered all inhaled air through a proprietary organic combustion matrix, eliminating or neutralising airborne pathogens prior to respiratory tract entry.

The patient did not contract COVID-19 at any point during the study period.

The authors believe this warrants investigation.

2. Methodology

2.1 Study Design
Single-patient prospective observational study.

2.2 Patient Exposure Profile

Exposure Variable — Detail
Role 1 — Alarm system technician — residential and commercial sites
Role 2 — Property maintenance manager — University of Waterloo student rentals
Students contacted per month — Hundreds (estimated)
Occupancy per rental unit — Up to 5 students per unit
PPE used — Mask only under direct threat of arrest
Cigar protocol — Minimum 1 Dominican cigar per day
Whisky protocol — Concurrent (see Paper 1)
Duration of study — March 2020 through end of pandemic
COVID tests taken — Minimum 1 (result: negative)
COVID contracted — Zero confirmed cases

2.3 The McCauley Cigar Air Pre-Filtration Protocol (MCAPP)
The MCAPP was administered as follows: the patient lit a minimum of one Dominican cigar per day and smoked it in its entirety, pre-filtering all inhaled environmental air through the burning tobacco combustion matrix. The patient's theoretical framework holds that viral particles, upon encountering the approximately 900°C combustion zone at the cigar tip, or the secondary filtration matrix of the tobacco rod itself, are either incinerated, denatured, or simply too intimidated to proceed further.

The authors note that this mechanism has not been studied, that tobacco smoke contains numerous known carcinogens, and that Health Canada would be horrified by this section. We include it in the interest of full methodological transparency.

3. Results

3.1 Primary Outcome: COVID-19 Infection Status

Subject — MCAPP Applied — Exposure Level — COVID-19 Infections
Patient (D. McCauley) — Yes — daily Dominican cigar — Extreme (essential worker) — Zero confirmed

3.2 Statistical Analysis
The patient did not get COVID. The authors present the following statistical analysis: a p-value could not be calculated because we have one patient, no control condition, and no statistical software was used at any point. We consider this a feature rather than a limitation.

4. Conclusion

4. Discussion

The results of this study are, to quote the patient, 'pretty clear.' Despite extreme and sustained occupational exposure to confirmed COVID-19 cases throughout the entirety of the pandemic, and despite wearing a mask exclusively under duress, the patient remained COVID-free throughout the study period.

The authors identify several potential mechanisms by which the MCAPP may confer protection:

- Thermal inactivation: The combustion zone of a lit cigar reaches temperatures sufficient to denature proteins. Viral particles inhaled through the burning end may be thermally inactivated prior to reaching the respiratory tract. The authors acknowledge that air is inhaled through the filtered end, not the lit end, and that this mechanism therefore makes no sense. We include it anyway.
- Chemical pre-treatment: Tobacco smoke contains hundreds of chemical compounds. At least one of them, the authors hypothesise, is antiviral. We have not identified which one. We believe it is probably the nicotine, or possibly the campfire smell.
- Pathogen deterrence: SARS-CoV-2, like most reasonable organisms, may simply prefer not to enter a respiratory tract that is actively on fire, so to speak. The authors find this the most compelling mechanistic explanation.
- The Crown Royal synergy effect: The concurrent administration of the MISM whisky protocol (Paper 1) may create a hostile internal environment for any pathogen that successfully navigates the cigar pre-filtration stage. The combined M4PWS protocol may confer synergistic protection not achievable by either element alone.

Critics may note that the patient's extreme occupational exposure and subsequent non-infection could be explained by natural immunity, prior asymptomatic infection, or simple statistical fortune. The authors invite these critics to note that we have a Dominican cigar and a longitudinal dataset and we are prepared to defend our conclusions.

5. Conclusion

The McCauley Cigar Air Pre-Filtration Protocol appears to be associated with complete absence of COVID-19 infection in a single high-exposure essential worker patient throughout the duration of the SARS-CoV-2 pandemic.

The authors do not recommend smoking. The authors note, however, that the patient smoked at least one cigar per day for the duration of the pandemic and did not get COVID, while people who followed all public health guidelines sometimes did. Make of that what you will.

Health Canada is invited to fund a follow-up study. The authors require only a research stipend, a box of Dominican cigars, and a facility with an infrared sauna. Crown Royal sponsorship enquiries are also welcome.

References

1. Public Health Agency of Canada. (2020). COVID-19 prevention and risks. Government of Canada.
2. McCauley, D. (2020-2023). Field notes from an essential worker who did not wear a mask and did not get COVID. Unpublished raw data. Kitchener-Waterloo, Ontario.
3. World Health Organization. (2020). Transmission of SARS-CoV-2: Implications for infection prevention precautions. WHO Scientific Brief.
4. Various Epidemiologists. (2020-2023). Masks work. Multiple journals.